10 WAYS TO REMAIN A SOCIAL MISFIT
Ahem! The call has come and it is a huge conspiracy. They’ve extracted my promise and I have to go…. Well, to put you out of suspense, I am called for a social function out of compulsion and I am miserable as ever. After all it requires a saint to come out of those social gatherings without being unscathed. However, gathering my wits, I know I will be out neat and clean with a few tricks up my sleeve. I’ve been there and done that. Here are a few tricks to help you remain a social misfit (by the way it’s downright boring to fit in…hai na?)
- After the preliminary handshakes, remove that mobile of yours. Immediately, you’ll be fodder for gossip. Everyone’s surely going to condemn you for being an internet addict
- Be a green-eyed monster and create a rift between two life-long friends. Not only you will get entertainment, their friendship will not live long. One person down.
- Be a bore. Talk so much and so eagerly about everything and anything on the earth. In the next gathering they’re surely going to scurry away seeing you.
- Be a critic. While movie critics enjoy a cult-class; no one likes to be criticized about themselves. Take your criticism to an art and earn happy avoidance points.
- Who understands philosophy? Not many. So, go ahead, become a Socrates and dish out wisdom of the ages (even if it is copied no one will care after a few minutes)
- Deliberately use wrong language. For example, if you’re speaking English you speak it all wrongly and with horrible grammar. They will have a migraine within no time. (You’ll have to practice this at home before you go)
- Become a Hypochondriac. (A hypochondriac is a person who is always ill – but nothing is shown in the tests, it’ll all in their head). Your symptomatic complains will make everyone ill at ease
- Be a non-stop storyteller. One after another keep on telling them stories until they can’t make out why they’re standing in front of you.
- Make a fake letter, with the most hideous handwriting ever produced. Ask them to decipher it for you. They’ll be unable to make heads or tails of it and won’t bother you much.
- Be a Ghost. When anyone speaks to you don’t respond to them or look at them. Instead look straight through them. They’re surely going to feel spooked up!
Aren’t these surefire reasons for you to get started and make the name for yourself as a social misfit? And the perks are – pure bliss of being left alone and enjoying your time!